THEY claim the Austrian emperor, while on his way to court,
Was swooped upon and captured by an English aeronaut;
The sewer rats of Paris, trained by German spies, they say,
The secret passages within the Paris forts betray.
The Russian government declares all caviar contraband
Because it eggs the Prussians on Russian soil to land.
You’ll see that Denmark is distressed, if at the news you glance,
For Germans shoot the Danish babes who’re crying “Vive la France!”
And seven Prussian regiments every now and then
Yield to a Belgian captain and his score of gallant men.
In Alsace such the people’s joy to think of their release
They’re tearing down the boundary-posts to burn the Reichs-Police.
The Black Hole of Calcutta takes a seat way in the rear
According to the war report that’s dinned into our ear:
A British gunboat, built to hold a score or so of crew
Brings in three hundred prisoners. “Tis Paris news” hence true.
There’s not a German cruiser steams that’s not already sunk,
There’s not a Belgian but will drive ten German’s in a funk.
There’s not a Frenchman who appears upon a battleground
But what at once the Prussian dead lie scattered all around.
And if the Germans are not whipped in war’s grim battle-court.
They’ll have been licked at any rate, in the Paris war report.